He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
