somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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