Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
