oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
