The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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