Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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