Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
