if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
