foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Randomize
