Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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