its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
