I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
