So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
