gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
