so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
