this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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