Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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