I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
