oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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