Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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