I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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