I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
