porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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