So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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