Got a toothbrush?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I did not marry a roomba.
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