So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You need a sexual gate keeper
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
