im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
