People with herpes should wear stickers.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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