Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
