Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
