I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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