how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
