you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
