how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
