i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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