She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
