i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
