Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
