bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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