are you still at the devil's house?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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