everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
