Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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