There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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