I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
