I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
