I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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