like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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