I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize