Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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