My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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