I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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