Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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