dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
