**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
