You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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