Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
