At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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