Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
