Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
