I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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