I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
