Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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