if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
