Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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