i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
